What The Pickup Artist on VH1 Wont Tell You About Fashion 1
Posted in Articles by Vin DiCarlo on October 29, 2008 at 11:56 pm
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I am NOT the most fashion savvy guy in the world.
Usually it is my girlfriend who pick the clothes for me - not for my benefit…
… so that she doesn’t feel ashamed if we go together to the public!
If it were up to me, I’d wear sweats and a t-shirt all day, with some old worn out sneakers. I mean, I think fashion is pretty silly.
I can definitely appreciate the artistic aspect of fashion design and style. When you look at a really well dressed woman, her outfit is like a work of art, and I dig that.
I kinda lose respect when a guy is “too stylish.”
Don’t get it wrong, a guy should present himself like he means to be taken seriously. A good quality, nice and well-fitting clothes are a fundamental to masculine expression.
But some guys take this so much.
Case in point, the obsession with “peacocking” in the pickup Community for the past several years.
When I hear this term it makes me cringe.
YOU ARE NOT A PEACOCK.
Let me explain what is “peacocking,” in case you’re not familiar.
There was an emergence of routine-based “game” a while ago that rely heavily on superficial techniques, status games, and over-analysis of social interactions.
This always gone in the opposite direction and I never saw the value of it.
Major reason is I saw how pretending to be someone other than yourself, and it JUST FELT WRONG saying the routines and joke that the other guys came up with.
On top of that, the FIRST FOCUS of all that strategy and game-playing was to eventually get approval from women, while making them feel insecure so they’d think you were cooler than them.
Think about the layers in the dating approach. Not only are you faking your personality because you
a) look for approval (as if girls were an authority on what makes man a man)
b) hide the fact that you’re seeking approval
c) play games with women so that they feel insecure and try to seek your approval
YUCK
“Peacock,” is one of the main techniques of this approach as to dress up in a really loud, ostentatious way so that women would “notice” you and want to talk to you.
Wearing a nice watch, or a necklace isn’t a bad thing because some have personal meaning.
I don’t want women to like me because of that.
I’m pretty sure a lot of men has seen this approach on TV shows, straining to make sense out of this hare-brained “technique.”
I felt sad to the students of other pickup schools that I’ve encountered because these poor guys were not only nervous, clumsy, misdirected…they looked RETARDED.
So I want to set the record straight when it comes to fashion and meeting women.
There are only a handful of things you need to pay attention to when it comes to your appearance.
After you have handled this stuff, you should place it out of your mind, and that you shouldn’t wait for women to notice you before TAKING AN ACTION.
Before moving on, I have something to expose.
(Continued in Part 2)
Magnifying the Tension Felt by the Woman.
Posted in Articles by Vin DiCarlo on September 8, 2008 at 1:19 am
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One of the dominant thing in an interaction with a woman is sexual tension.
Sexual tension is the energy or charge of an interaction. Its application is subtle but powerful and effective.
There are many different concepts of sexual tension floating around in the seduction community.
Some of these techniques are better than others, and can definitely improve the quality and success of your pickups. I prefer a very pure definition of sexual tension because it is grounded in real sexual desire, and a very natural way of magnifying the tension felt by the woman.
Some examples of these are cocky bantering and flirting, explicit sexual interest paired with false barriers, using the word “sexy”, “you hot” to convey a sexual intent, and of course the old Speed Seduction route – complex language patterns intended to implant sexual thoughts in a woman’s mind.
Controlled Sexual Arousal State
Sexual tension is the presence of a controlled arousal state, in the absence of overt sexual interest.
In a right time, I create sexual tension by focusing my sexual desire on my woman, but not doing any overt sexual advances. I maintain a sense of ambiguity, which keeps her focused on me, directing her mind toward sexual imagination. My state is transferred to her, and she is now aroused. It is then only a matter of handling logistics through leadership and compliance techniques.
How to have a controlled arousal state
It’s not as simple as just being turned on, although that’s part of it. State control is vital - if you are nervous or uncomfortable, you won’t be able to get sexually aroused. (State control is not only vital in seduction, but in life. It allows you to stay calm, generally happy, and more productive. In spiritual terms, it is sometimes called “staying centered” or having “peace of mind.”)
The best way to stay calm and comfortable in social situations is experience. Socialize more, go out (sober), get experience talking to women.
Meditation, good diet, avoidance of harmful indulgences like drug use, television, internet, and regular exercise all help.
Creating Tension
For the “getting turned on” part, raising your testosterone level will have an incredible effect. Natural ways to increase testosterone include heavy weight training (squats, deadlifts, bench press, etc.) zinc supplementation, eating lots of animal protein, and if possible, regular sex.
You already know how to get aroused. During your interactions with women, simply focus on what she’d look like naked, or imagine having sex with her, or whatever fun little thoughts you want to entertain.
There are two reasons why a sexually aroused state is so important. First, women love sex. A sexual man is valuable to a woman because he can give her pleasure. Women are attracted to men who are attracted to women.
The second reason is more subtle. There is a phenomenon I call “state-transfer.” Have you ever been in a bad mood, and a friend came by in a really great, excited mood?
Your mood probably changed, and you found yourself smiling and cheering up in spite of yourself.
How do you feel around someone when they are nervous?
You feel nervous too! Think of a time you were with a woman, say a girlfriend, and she was obviously very horny and sexually aroused, but you weren’t doing anything sexual. You probably got excited because she was excited. This is how humans hypnotize each other in every day life – we transfer our states to each other.
State transfer may occur on a metaphysical, psychic energy level. But more so, a state is transferred with non-verbal sub communication. When you are turned on, your voice subtly (or not so subtly) reflects your state, as do your facial expressions, eye contact, manner of touching, body language, and a million other little things to numerous to try to micromanage.
The tension component is really an extension of the second level of the Attraction Hierarchy - Intrigue. Intrigue can be described in two ways. It can be seen as a lack of over-validating a woman, or getting her attention fixated on you by being ambiguous and holding back information.
These are flip sides of the same coin. Applied to sexual tension, we enter a sexual state, but don’t verbalize our desire.
If we did, she may like it, or not like it, but at now she knows where she stands - she is validated.
That isn’t bad, but it’s not optimal. She has you figured out, and knows you want her, which gives her the option of forgetting about you and focusing elsewhere. You are “solved.”
Another key point about verbalizing sexual interest is that it puts her in a position where she has to agree to it. She must consciously admit that this is leading to sex. Again, that’s not bad, but is not optimal, and sometimes can create a mental block in her mind for getting isolated with you.
Imagine sitting in a room with a closed treasure chest in front of you. Then you open it and find gold coins. When is the chest more interesting?
True, the gold coins are great, but there’s no longer a mystery. You can even forget about the gold coins for a while to go watch TV or call a friend, because those coins aren’t going anywhere.
But before you know what’s in there, that chest preoccupies your mind and keeps your attention.
Once you have mastered that concept, you’re well on your way.
Does Your Woman Know that You are for Real
Posted in Articles by Vin DiCarlo on August 27, 2008 at 8:08 pm
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There are two questions I’d like to ask of you:
First, how do you let your woman know that the vibe you’re putting off in the beginning is the real you?
The other one is, How does she know that after she spent a night in bed with you all of what you said will be backed up?
“Credibility” is the answer to these questions. Credibility is the key component if you want to sleep with a girl quickly.
Most of men think they don’t have enough value, due to lack of credibility. In fact, most of the tactics they used in creating value only serves to make a nasty woman-repelling player vibe.
“Player vibe” is a mistake in building and maintaining credibility.
Aside from credibility the other component is sexual tension.
And as a good student of pick-up, you know that some women need sexual tension before they sleep with a guy and the other half need credibility first. (You do know that, right?)
So let’s get down to it:
There are three levels of credibility.
1. Safety
2. Commonality
3. Direction
Safety: Its the most basic and fundamental level of credibility, you need to demonstrate SAFETY before a woman will be alone with you and sleep with you.
Commonality: You need to demonstrate commonality in order for a woman to continue sleeping with you, or have a relationship with you.
Direction: You need to show direction in order to get a woman to leave her current boyfriend or change her existing life plans to be with you.
A WORD ABOUT SOCIAL PROGRAMMING ->
We must realize that every person we meet is socially programmed in a different way. We all do have our own social programmed.
It’s not really a bad thing. On the contrary, it’s very useful.
Men have an instinct of wanting to sleep with as many women as possible, on the other side women have instinct to choose guys who has demonstrate a high chance of sticking around to provide a home and raise their children.
And this instinct is reinforced by social programming.
Realize and understand that a lot of a woman’s behaviors come from her social programming.
Her programming is her reality and her world.
And credibility is about showing you understand her world.
At first, guys are usually good at meeting a certain kind of woman.
It’s because he naturally understands a certain type of worldview.
But as you get good, you’ll start to be able to match ANY woman’s worldview.
The best way of doing this is by anticipating her thoughts and verbalizing a woman’s feelings or views about the world, as if it’s your own.
HERE’S AN EXAMPLE ->
You are comfortably sitting in a chair in your bedroom.
And then a guy came in. And telling you he was cold and wanted to turn up the heat. Then he told you he liked the sit on where you were sitting. And asked if he could urinate in the corner.
That’s pretty annoying, right? You might even think he’s crazy.
He’s “in his own world”.He’s showing you that he’s not seeing the same reality as you.
And I bet you wouldn’t trust a guy like that. Because he has shown you that he doesn’t understand and respect your world - you probably wouldn’t connect with him, or feel like giving him compliance.
This is how women feel when you don’t demonstrate credibility.
If she thinks that it’s a bad thing for people to kiss and tell (most women do) -> You should also show her a believe that it’s bad for people to kiss and tell.
Having the same perceptions about the world as her will vastly build your credibility.
You can use of the three levels in this way:
Safety - It’s safe to have you in her world.
Commonality - You see things in common to her world. Having same perceptions, values, and goals
Direction - You have the ability to rearrange and influence her world.
These are best demonstrated in order.
Then you will get good at pacing her reality and leading. Eventually it gets to the point where you can intuitively understand her reality. Then she will trust you to change it for her. You enter her world, and then start teaching her new things about HER world.
That’s when you know you get this thing. And you can get really good at this.
At first you will just be remembering things she’s said in the past, and then repeating it after she’s forgotten she’s said anything.
If someone comes along who understands a woman’s reality so well, she doesn’t just think he’s perceptive and skilled, she just feels a connection.
She thinks “He’s just like me!”
This is really the easiest thing in the world. Yet so many messes it.
Once you’ll get to this major piece, you’ll see your game will improve vastly.
Dating Tips for Men: Keeping the Girl
Posted in Articles by Vin DiCarlo on July 29, 2008 at 8:57 pm
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I really started to get good, and could escalate with any woman very quickly, I think about all the women I slept with but couldn’t keep around.
And that is a bit sad.
There are so many women that has the ability to be a great girlfriend.
But I had my head up my ass.
…maybe that’s a little harsh.
But this comes down from TWO distinct problems:
First, I tried to prove something to myself. I was still a recovering nerd. And I’ve never fully recovered. And stopped trying to recover. And that’s what’s made me move past this “proving myself” thing.
I’ve accepted who I am.
Sure, I like comic books and video games.
But…
Do you think girls have cooler interests?
Is getting drunk, Myspace and shopping is cooler than what I’m into?
It’s all relative.
Self-acceptance is what really matters.
If you don’t accept yourself, women won’t accept you also.
Can you picture out a woman wanting to be your girlfriend and you don’t like yourself?
She will HATE to be with you and not wanting to be around with you.
Because if you don’t like yourself, you can’t really like her. And if you do like her, but not yourself, then you look like a total loser. And who wants to date a loser?
Although it sounds easy but self-acceptance is rare. How often do you hear people say, “I don’t care what anyone thinks of me!”
Based on my experience, almost all DON’T ACCEPT themselves completely.
And I’m no exception.
The degree to which you accept yourself is the degree to which women find you attractive, and people want to be around you.
It can be really hard to accept yourself completely. The creep in old beliefs telling you, you are not enough, that you must be more than you are now.
But the degree to which you eliminate these thoughts is the degree to which your game becomes better.
Because being yourself and not doubting yourself is the game. And game doesn’t stop after your opener, after making love, after a few dates. It never stops.
Because it is you.
You are not separated from your game.
Your game IS YOU. The “game” is the degree to which you can express who you really are.
Maybe you think “But I’m nervous and insecure and awkward.” I don’t agree. That’s not you.
That is the vague you.
That is you trying to come out, but your ego, your old mental habits stop you from expressing what you really want to express.
Before I proceed deeper, I want first to go to the second reason why I couldn’t keep girls around after sleeping with them.
I wasn’t aware of shaping.
And shaping is all about knowing what YOU want. If you don’t know what you want, you can’t shape. And knowing what you want is really just an extension of self-acceptance.
In fact, it’s self-acceptance, applied to others. You know what you like, and you encourage women to be that for you.
You see, women are very flexible. They have many sides that they can reveal to a man. Men usually implicitly tell women to be selfish, mean, and act like they are better than the man.
But it’s not really her fault. She’s just doing what she’s told. Women are always looking to men to get a sense of reality.
So if you approach and treat a woman like a pedestal, she will act accordingly.
If you approach a woman and treat her like she’s lucky that you approached her, she will feel that way.
Likewise, after mating, if you treat her like she should stay in your life and nurture your lifestyle, she will do so.
This was tackled deeper in our workshop. I’ve developed a lot of things to shape a woman to be EXACTLY the kind of woman I want in my life.
And each woman is different. For example, I may want one woman to be just a mating partner. I may want another woman to be a sugar mama! I may want another one to be a girlfriend. It all depends on what you want.
I remember all the crappy, frustrating relationships I used to have.
And how frustrating it was to not see those women again using all the hookups I had as a young pickup artist.
But when I began to accept myself and analyze what I wanted, it all came together.
The Attraction Code is all about finding out who you are, accepting and cultivating your character, and then applying that to the girls you want to meet, sleep with, and date.
The Attraction Code is a MUST HAVE if you are struggling with self acceptance and letting the real YOU shine.
Pickup Artist Phone Game: NoFlakes System
Posted in Articles by Vin DiCarlo on July 21, 2008 at 2:07 am
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http://www.vindicarlo.com/noflakesdvd
“If YOU Want To Eliminate All The Disappointment That Can Come From Unanswered Calls and Having Women Flake Out on You, Then go to NoFlakesDVD.com”
Managing Your Time when Meeting Women
Posted in Links by Vin DiCarlo on July 17, 2008 at 7:31 pm
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Dating can be your best friend.
…OR your worst adversary.
Most of the time, a man can feel like a slave to his natural need to procreate.
Then there’s that common phrase, “He thinks with his… You know.”
Well it is hard NOT think that way if you are physically unsatisfied.
But men are also goal oriented.
We are doers, and need to achieve things and affect the world in a positive way.
One of the biggest challenges I’ve personally faced is balancing the two - my urges and achieving my goals.
When you are single, dating can consume a lot of time. Women will suck away at your time if you don’t know what you’re doing.
Before you notice it, you are spending hours feeding the birds and cuddling in the park… now nothing wrong with spending a quality time with your girlfriend, AS LONG AS IT DON’T interferes YOUR GOALS IN LIFE.
Goals take time, but so do women.
In fact, it’s the nature of a woman to take up the man’s time - it’s her way of getting you to invest in her. That way if the woman gets pregnant there’s a less chance of you leaving (this comes from our caveman days, so to speak).
It is really tricky to manage your time with women. You see, giving their time to women is what most guys WANT to give. By nature men are “givers.” They like to please women, protect them, and give them good feelings.
Men also have a urges that can completely take over your thoughts.
Both of these things can get in the way of you making the most time of your life.
Now take a minute to ask yourself about this, “WHAT DO I REALLY WANT TO GIVE TO WOMEN?”
Now I’m willing to bet it wasn’t “money,” or “lots of my free time,” or “control over my life.”
It was probably something like “feeling of safety, good feelings, sexual pleasure, excitement, relaxation, make her smile or feel good about herself, etc.”
I think guys have some difficulties with how they use their time with women in two ways.
First, they overcompensate with other stuff - like spending too much time or money on a woman because they think that the gifts they REALLY wanted to give aren’t that valuable.
Second, men think that they are “getting” something valuable when a woman spends her time with them.
Society brainwashes men to believe that women are a prize to claim, and that there’s some inherent value in a pretty face.
It’s not TRUE!
The best thing is to see women for what they are, nothing more, nothing less. They are cute, sometimes fun, but ultimately not that important, AND THEY CAN’T COMPLETE YOUR LIFE!
Now getting out of this mental prison of feeling inferior to women is really hard.
Your mental habits are subtle and hard to notice because you’ve been doing them for years.
Young men are taught that their urges is crude and silly, and that it is just a favor that women ALLOWS them to mate with them.
There’s another societal factor going on, that I call the “doofus dad” syndrome. In almost every TV commercial and sitcom, the “dad” or “boyfriend” or “husband” is a dopey, incompetent goof, and the mom/daughter/girlfriend/wife has to use her superior intelligence to fix the situation.
This will bring to the idea that the time of the women is more valuable than men because of the perception that women are “better.”
If your time is not so valuable, then you will feel obligated to give her LOTS OF IT.
But here’s the thing - if you are giving a woman too much time, you won’t be present for most of that time. You will be distracted, resentful, you will give her your “half-assed” attention.
When I analyzed tons and tons of dates I went on women, it was just when I realized it.
After that I started giving women smaller amounts of my time, but with my FULL ATTENTION.
Not only did this make our time better, it created MASSIVE ATTRACTION because I left women craving more.
This make my girlfriends can’t get enough of me - and I don’t GIVE THEM “enough.”
Ask you know, “enough” would mean, “overexposure” to me, and women can’t be pulled to what they already have.
The proper way to manage your time is by being HONEST. And I don’t recommend you to play games with women and pretend to be busy or whatever.
Just be real with her - don’t spend more time that you want. no need of games.
Enjoy whatever free time you have with women but still with focus on your personal goals. Be the man on the go.
Now it requires that in a short span of time that you can be able to meet a lot of women, which I’ll have to take up in another newsletter.
It’s not good to see that men waste their lives chasing and “putting up with” girls, and then they are left out ALONE.
You should think that women aren’t property that you can keep or somehow bring with you when you die.
Investing all your time with a woman is not a guarantee that you can “keep” her.
I want to make one more point - when you start being honest about how much time you’re willing to give a woman, you may feel GUILTY.
It either she will make you feel guilty or you will feel it on your own. That’s ok, it just means that you have a weak focus.
You see, it usually comes from the social norm if you are following your true ways.
If you are in the mental habit of adopting the values others try to impose onto you, you will most likely experience some discomfort, tension, guilt, even loneliness at first.
That’s why I set and develop the Attraction Code. It’s all about self-control, finding true path, and letting the real ‘you’ emerge from within.
And no, we don’t intend to impose our goals to you. I think you are capable enough to handle it to yourself, given the proper guidance.
Vin
Pick Up Artist Secrets: Attracting a “10
Posted in Links by Vin DiCarlo on July 13, 2008 at 11:17 pm
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If you are interested in meeting, attracting and keeping a “10″, then you should read this letter.
But before anything else, let’s go waaaay back…
It was in my high school, that there was a girl in my class who was seems so perfect.
She was smart, cool, and so beautiful it was hard to look at her (and yet I couldn’t look away)…
She was one of the popular kids, but was friendly to everyone.
Occasionally we talked and as I look back I realize that we were flirting (I was so stupid to realize at that time).
I badly wanted to ask her to a senior prom but I chickened out at the last minute.
A few years later I realized she had a crush on me all senior year.
I have talked to lot of men and this seems a common experience to them. they missed an opportunity to meet this ONE SPECIAL WOMAN who you crushed on from afar, or the girl had broke their heart…
Ah, the hard to tame “10,” a perfect girl that every guy dream of but never seems to have it.
I have a lot to say about the concept of “10’s,” In deeper sense they are another “breed” of women, but it is on the way they think that makes them so.
Understanding the reality of the extremely beautiful women and understanding your own fascination for a perfect women will help you resolve this conundrum, and might even help you in finding your “perfect girl.”
First of all, the concept of a “10″ is a myth. There is no such thing as a perfect human being. No woman is more “valuable” just because she looks nicer than other women.
A woman that turns you on and have a great chemistry with you is the only true “10″ and is the one that’s perfect for you.
Following this reasoning, the world is full of 10’s, given you have the skills to meet a lot of women and create options for yourself.
Treating a woman differently than other women just because she is prettier is a recipe for failure.
Why?
Because a lot of guys do that.
A woman knows what you’re thinking and sees you as shallow.
But there definitely are certain women that seem on another “level” of beauty than the rest. These women get treated much differently than other women.
This is important to understand so that you know how to deal with these kinds of women.
As what I’ve said, you shouldn’t treat women “differently.”
Let me clear this up.
You shouldn’t treat them BETTER than other women. But there are a couple things you need to know.
First, she don’t like a guy that chases her for her looks alone.
More than anything else, a woman values a guy that appreciates her personality.
Now for the sake of yours, I'’ll be giving you a heads up.
There are two types of “10’s.”
The high self-esteem, and the low self-esteem.
The pretty common is the low self-esteem 10’s. Women here have a guilt complex. Because they are used to being wanted for their looks, but they know that they didn’t EARN that attention.
In fact, most of their lives are probably coasted, and are in complete dumbasses.
It may sound harsh but I call it like that.
These women take away their validation will make them flip out and do anything to get it back. They also respond to jerk-behavior.
Anything.
(Aside from that, these women usually suck in bed and are total head cases when you get involved with them.)
Now high self-esteem 10’s are women that have had a taste of the elite -they realized early on that high levels of society were attainable to them, and they made an effort to be successful, intelligent, and make the most of their lives.
These women know that they are just a little closer to a great life than everyone else, and so they are motivated to put in the extra effort.
Usually these women have good attitudes, are intelligent, have a direction in life and have lots of interests beyond being clubbing.
Actually, most of beautiful women I’ve dated didn’t even go to the club. They like to spend their evenings being with their families, reading, or having a nice dinner with friends (or studying if they were in college).
And here’s another interesting thing. These women are single for long periods of time while in-between boyfriends. Why?
Because they have high standards for themselves, and since most guys are either too intimidated to ask them out, or act too needy and pathetic around them, it’s rare that they meet another man who is on their level.
But here’s the good news. These women are the easiest to attract when you understand The Attraction Code.
The Attraction Code is about being a “male 10,” the best man you can be.
When you start to embody the Attraction Code you will surely notice an interesting thing.
Occasionally women that are less attractive will be rude to you and you’ll get an odd responses from them- that is because they know they’re not on your level - I call this as Auto-Rejection Mechanism. Some girls will try to protect themselves from being rejected by you, by rejecting YOU first.
But the most attractive, cool women will respond much differently…you’ll be amazed to see the most beautiful women warm right up to you as soon as you approach - whether on the street or in the bar - because they can see that you are on their “level.”
The woman will thinks “finally, a guy who can hang with me; he’s confident and treats me like a real person. And he’s the only guy who’s actually tried to talk to me today, instead of whistling from his car.”
The Attraction Code is meant for these kinds of women. Of course you’ll also enjoy plenty of “adventures” with all kinds of women, but ultimately this is about having the option of dating the hottest, highest quality women.
There are plenty of 10’s out there waiting for you.
Don’t spend another year of your life missing out.
Vin
Importance of Storytelling to Attract Women
Posted in Links by Vin DiCarlo on July 7, 2008 at 8:09 pm
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I will be sharing with you a topic which I feel is very important and powerful when it comes to meeting and holding the interest of not only women but anyone in your life.
This topic is about Storytelling and this is actually the part I. In this newsletter, it focuses about the facts and importance of storytelling.
Once you knew and had used it correctly, it’s a sure that it can make your desirability with women sky rocket.
What is storytelling and why is it important?
Storytelling is the direct means of communication when highlighting important parts of your life to the listener. Not only through context, but through delivery.
Storytelling plays a very important part in getting to know someone and the great thing about telling a story, is that it creates so many other subject matters to talk about and that a story is almost always followed by another story.
If you are familiar with “The Canterbury Tales” by Geoffrey Chaucer, you will see how each story is molded by the one told before it and by who told the story. (Don’t worry; your stories don’t have to have a rhyme scheme during the interaction like many of Chaucer’s do)
There are many reasons storytelling is important and if you are not currently utilizing storytelling then consider these following facts:
*Storytelling is a great way to save dying conversations
This is one of the most common problems that I see with many guys. An interaction will be going great, then conversation starts to die and there is that awkward silence. This is a great time to bust out a story from your arsenal and revive the interaction.
Knowing you are armed with a story creates more approach confidence when entering an interaction.
People are afraid to enter interactions because of the fear of running out of things to say. By developing a great story or two and keeping them in your back pocket for when you need them creates a great since of confidence during the initial approach and can really help limit the anxiety that one gets when approaching a beautiful women. You are guaranteed that the interaction will last at least the length of your story.
*Storytelling is a great way to display dominance
When you are telling a story the right way, all eyes are on you, you are the center of attention, and everyone lingers off your next word. Holding the attention of the group through storytelling puts you in a dominant frame of you being the leader of the interaction and everyone else being the listener, waiting to see where you take the group next.
What you convey through your stories is how you will be remembered.
Unlike most things you say during an interaction, a good story is unforgettable. How many times have you had someone tell you about some crazy story that one of their friends told them? Stories have been passed down for ages; it is an old custom and still exists till this day. The girl should be able to look back on the interaction and be like “Oh yeah, that was the guy who (did whatever interesting activity that relates to you).”
*Storytelling develops stronger social skills
This is one of the biggest reasons that I like to make sure everyone masters storytelling. Through storytelling you learn to capture the entire attention of the group. Also you directly convey your personality and it gets you accustomed to doing so. The skills that are developed from strong storytelling directly carry over into your social personality that make all conversation with you more exciting and vivid. The expressiveness you show in stories ties into your future interactions and directly improves your social personality.
*You can convey things through storytelling that you normally could not say.
There may be some interesting details of your life that said outside the context of a story may come off as bragging. But in a story, these little details are never the subject of the story thus they remain subtle but are powerful when displaying aspects of your identity.
Now I want to clear up a few myths when it comes to the matter of story telling.
MYTH ONE: My stories have to be true and about me.
This is absolutely up to you to decide. It does not matter on whether it is true or not but what important you know how to keep the conversation fun and entertaining. Just apply the right story telling techniques, and keep the conversation moving.
Even if the women knows that your story is merely just constructed, if you kept it fun, she will be entertained and most likely run with new conversation topics developed from your stories.
I am not encouraging you to lie though, the most powerful stories are ones that are true and come from a place of emotion.
You can be so over the top with stories where the unbelievably becomes so fun that she gets involved and becomes part of a newly painted reality that you and the girl get to share and more importantly create together. (This becomes a key factor in “Role Playing” and by mastering storytelling, your creativity in “Role Play Conversations” raises but sadly, the subject of role playing will have to be saved for a later issue.)
However I think the biggest misconception is not whether the stories have to be true, but is more about whether or not they have to be about the story teller.
One of the main goals of story telling is to communicate to the listener about you. Surprisingly, it is easier to convey things about yourself by HOW you tell a story, not the actual content of it.
Through the power of expressions, energy, and vivid language, you can convey to your listeners such things as, dominance, humor, interests, and over all personality.
When applying the proper techniques of a story, you should be able to repeat what you heard on the news but in such a fashion that directly makes you more interesting and displays your personality.
MYTH TWO: As you get better with women you become less dependent on story telling.
Now there is some truth to this myth in the sense that you do not go into interactions with prescripted stories as much as you may starting out. However, it is through the skills that storytelling develops that make you less dependent.
Instead of going into in interaction with a story you have made up or written down and rehearsed, you are able to share any subject in an interesting fashion that makes people listen.
This skill is enhanced by applying the arts of storytelling and is one of the key reasons learning and mastering storytelling is a great way to improve not only your skills with women, but your overall social skills.
Now that you have an idea of why storytelling is so effective and what you should be aiming for when telling a story we are going to work on constructing your very own powerful stories that cannot be ignored. All this will be covered in Part II of this newsletter.
But there is an exercise I want you to do right now so you can directly apply all the tips and tactics to create an amazing story for the Part II.
Exercise 1: Write down anywhere from seven to ten moments in your life that you feel changed or defined who you are.
If you have a funny story then that is just a humorous time then you can feel free to include that. But even if the story does not seem major, just entertaining, the fact that you can remember it means it has a bigger effect than you realize.
This can be happy, fun, or even sad (not depressing) but we do learn through negative experiences. We will eventually cut these down to just a couple stories in Part II but for now I just want you to get into the habit of taking note of interesting experiences in your life.
Ideas: Vacations, Life/Death Experiences, an unforgettable concert or sporting event, a moment you succeeded, something funny that happened to you or a friend.
Now I know that there are going to be people that say they have no interesting stories. This is just not the truth; everyone has something interesting that has shaped who they are. Do not be modest; even if it’s a silly story write it down. You can’t be afraid to share a story, sometimes they are hard to think of and if you really can’t think of a past story, starting paying more attention to your every day life. And if you still can’t think of one then go take a vacation, you will return with hundreds of them.
So many things happen in one day that people don’t even think would be a story. But every past event being told is a story. There is no excuse not to have one.
Exercise Two: Write down at least 5 things that you would like people to know about you.
This is going to tie into personality conveying. Think of the things that you would like any friend or new acquaintance to know about you. These are the things that directly relate to your identity and make you who you are. Do not be surprised if these things are directly related in some way to the stories you wrote down in exercise one.
Ideas: Hobbies, Sports you play, instruments you play, your job, your goals, your skills and achievements.
Now save this list, we are going to use it a lot in Part II of this newsletter to create some super powerful stories that you can always rely on. Also I will further go into the skills of storytelling and how to use them to make every story and conversation more interesting.
I am going to do this very exercise along with you guys so you will get to see my story end product as well.
Till then keep an eye out for the next letter and great ready to really take storytelling to the next level.
The Attraction Code
Posted in Links by Vin DiCarlo on June 27, 2008 at 12:16 am
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http://www.vindicarlo.com The Attraction code video. Vin DiCarlo talks about how he developed his book, The Attraction Code. For more information about the contents of the book and to sign up for a free 45 minute masterclass introduction to the attraction code visit www.AttractionCodeBook.com.
How to Deal with Male Competition when Meeting Women
Posted in Links by Vin DiCarlo on June 24, 2008 at 8:49 pm
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Have you avoided having a conversation to a woman just
because she was talking to another guy?
Or maybe you saw a group of girls with one or two guys with
them and you ASSUMED the guys were cooler than you so you
avoided approaching because you feared embarrassment.
There are two reasons why guys have a fear in talking with
women who were with other guys.
They assume that the girl is “with” the guy, and assume he’s
her boyfriend.
Guys shouldn’t think this as a barrier of talking to a
woman. Plus - she’s not a guy’s “slave” or a piece of
property, so she is free to talk to whomever she chooses,
especially in a social situation like in the bar where
people meet other people.
Approaching oftenly a woman who is “with” a guy can make you
look more confident, and draw out the jealous side of the
guy, making him look insecure and weak.
The second reason why guys don’t approach woman who is
“with” a guy points to a deep insecurity based on a simple
misconception.
Men tend to be threatened by other men, instantly assuming
that the “other guy” is stronger, cooler, or somehow more
powerful.
This is founded in an ancient survival strategy that has
been hardwired into the human brain.
The social hierarchy is very subtle, and mostly unconscious,
and it’s hard to tell who the more “dominant” person is in
any given interaction. So when a male is confronted by
another male, he doesn’t know how dominant the other guy is.
A guy doesn’t know if he will be embarrassed verbally, or as
was probably common thousands of years ago, beaten up.
To assumed that the guy is a threat is the safest way to
play. Because guys that are too bold may have won a few
confrontations, but it will take them a single mistake that
can end up their game.
And then their genes were taken out of the “race” so to
speak.
Those guys that avoided confrontation and played safe are
the one that can successfully reproduce and survive.
The irony is that nowadays this hard-wired survival strategy
is the basis for most approach anxiety - men makes a false
assumptions that will lead them to avoid approaching women
unnecessarily.
The thing is, when you are in the bar or club and you see a
woman talking to another guy, you would think she’s not WITH
him.
Usually, they JUST MET!
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve approached a woman
thinking she was “with” a guy, only to find out he was some
random dude who just approached her. Or he was just a friend
or relative.
I have regrets to those times that I’ve missed so many
opportunities talking to a woman just because I saw her with
another guy. And this brings me to my first point:
I SHOULDN’T ASSUME THEY ARE TOGETHER UNTIL I SEE A PHYSICAL
EVIDENCE. I DON’T KNOW WHAT HE MEANS TO THE GIRL.
You will know it if you try to act and find out. Just
remember that in time that they are together you should be
alert an respectful, the guy may be the insecure jealous
type and may start a confrontation.
So be smart and wise - don’t just stick around on having a
false judgment.
The idea that the other man can be more “dominant” that you
are is the next important thing that I want to talk about.
The concept of the alpha male is completely outdated. In the
caveman days, the alpha male had real power - he had access
to resources like food, and was physically stronger, so he
could beat up competitors.
But ask yourself if those power still exist today. Every man
can survive on his own if he has the source of income - you
probably have an access to food and shelter if you’re
reading this. You’re all set.
Plus, in this modern world it is irrelevant to use the
physical strength just to beat people up. It’s illegal.
You’ll always end up losing if you attack another person
because the police always win.
If you think about it, you are LETTING RANDOM GUYS STOP YOU
FOR NO REASON!
Pardon my French, but who is HE to say who YOU talk to???
It makes me mad- I recall all the women I missed out on
because I was worried about some DUDE. And I get mad knowing
that other guys are dealing with same crap!
When you’re on your deathbed, you are going to look back on
all the things you did and didn’t do. How painful would it
be to say “I didn’t meet that girl because I was scared of
another guy,” or “there were so many beautiful women I
could’ve enjoyed, but I didn’t even try because I saw them
TALKING to another guy.”
I don’t want that to be you.
So let’s look at this on a deeper level. Seeing another guy
as more dominant means you don’t truly understand dominance.
You see, if you’re concerned with who is more dominant you
instantly make yourself NOT dominant. There’s a better
focus.
To be dominant, you must first THINK like a dominant man.
And dominant men don’t think about who is dominant. So what
do dominant men think about? Whatever it is they are doing
or want.
So when you see another guy talking to a group of girls.
Focus on the girls instead of worrying who is the dominant
between the two of you.
I rarely even acknowledge other guys, because too often it’s
proven to be a waste of time. 9 times out of 10 the girls
don’t even know the guy - they just met him.
Or if they do, he’s a friend of ONE of the girls, and the
rest barely know him.
It’s rare for girls to go out with a guy they are dating -
usually they will bring a guy who is more of a
protector/friend because a guy like that is more valuable
when they go out on the town.
Besides, if he IS with one of the girls, that means he’s NOT
with the other girls - they are fair game.
You are NOT the alpha male by definition, if you are
concerned with who’s the alpha male is. In fact, in this
modern world it’s questionable whether alpha males truly
exist .
Avoid some assumption, just get your focus in a USEFUL
place, and don’t allow some random dude to stop you from
enjoying YOUR LIFE!
